Tuesday, May 25, 2010
MY BIG OLE GUT
I watch this show called NCIS and on it the main character is a hard nosed investigator called Gibbs who always follows his "gut". See i understand this way of life because i have always lived by the 'gut". Some people would say that the gut is simply ur conscience, but i disagree. How can UR conscience know that someone has ill intentions towards u? It can't, it simply can't. So I trust the GUT. The gut has got me out of some fucked up situations and away from fucked up people, its honestly been a great tool. But now I'm worried, you see the last BIG decision i let the gut make was regarding my very small circle of friends. I found myself in a situation where the gut told me to get rid of them. That i didn't need them in my life for 1 reason or another. So 4 years ago i let them all go. And when i did, i felt good like something was lifted off of me. I thought i was embarking on a new phase in my life. But after a few months I felt empty. I knew i couldn't go back, but I didn't see a way forward. So now here I am 24 years old, never had a boyfriend, my mom and my sisters are the only people I can call my friends, wondering if i hadn't listen to my gut....would I be in a better place/mindset? I'm hoping that whatever it was that drove my core to move me in this direction was right. I hope that I don't spend the rest of my life wondering.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Gee, that's deep. I understand where you're coming from. We're very much alike. I follow my gut/intuition without a second thought. Personally, it's been a blessing as well as a curse. Blessing-- unlike others I have the capacity to steer myself away from things I feel is not in my nature, simply because I'm foreshadowing the consequences that might arise because of my made decision. Curse-- I feel as though the supposed 'good' things in life, are/have passed me by. And boy, are those thoughts plentiful. Yet, despite it all, I wouldn't change. I feel as though my perception on life is much more thorough-- paired with my upbringing, personality, etcetera, etcetera..... And that's a good thing. I'll be 25 yrs. old, on the 14th of June and I've never had a boyfriend or a friend other than my twin sister and mother. I like my life this way and there's a reason it is as such. But that doesn't mean it'll last forever. If it's planned that it's time for you to find a friend or mate, then it'll happen. Yes, you only live once, they say, but what's the point of doing whatever the heck you want without reserve when it's not what or who you are? Best of luck to your self-observations! =)
ReplyDelete